Above, you can see poor lucky Lexi being fountained at the front of Frank Dining Hall for her birthday. I have never seen anybody get fountained here before, except for Lexi; and even then, my sponsors regretted letting that happen because the fountain here is usually dirty.

The other day, I saw footprints leading away from this fountain, which meant that somebody (not Lexi) had been ceremoniously tossed into it. Fountaining is usually a pleasant experience filled with memories to cherish of one’s years at Pomona, but this fountaining seemed deprived of such value.

As I entered Frank to get takeout for dinner yesterday, I saw a bunch of people surrounding somebody surrounding the fountain. As I left Frank with my takeout, those people were gone, and instead there were a bunch of wet footprints leading away from the scene.


Apparently, the people who were surrounding the fountain were up to no good. I overheardĀ  the people behind me as I walked back to my room, and they made note that those suspicious individuals fountained an innocent someone when it wasn’t even that someone’s birthday, and that that someone didn’t want to be fountained.

This makes me wonder: Is this morally correct?

… Yes, it is. Here’s why:

1) You only live once, so please try to enjoy Pomona while you can, since if you live only once and you happen to attend Pomona, you only attend Pomona once. #YOAPO

2) Pomona’s weather can get pretty hot some days, so being hurled to your watery doom a nice dip into the cool fountain waters can do one good.

3) It means you actually have friends who want to mess around with you—that, or sworn enemies who want you drowned.

4) Look at how beautiful Pomona is. It is practically a beach. Those footprints look as though they are from the beach. It’s like going to the beach, except it’s a fountain. This is fun.

(If you read this, fountained someone: Thank you for suffering for my artistic benefit.)